Sunday 30th October 2011
The clocks went back an hour at 2am this morning and so the dark nights are well and truly here, and the long winter nights which the West of Scotland enjoys (not) means it’s dark by 5pm. I awoke at what would normally be 3:30 am but is now 2:30am. Watched shite on TV and footered about on the internet as I couldn’t get back to sleep. Extra hour sitting wide awake instead of asleep as I should be! FFS!!! I eventually got up at 5:30am and made two bacon rolls and broon (brown if you’re not Scottish) sauce washed down by a mug of coffee.
As everyone else in the house was sleeping, I just had to be quiet while keeping myself occupied, writing this blog thing and watching more TV until they stirred.
MD went down for biscuits and a few wee odds and ends like bread from Tescos. My friend GJO came to visit just after 1pm. It was good to see him. He has just recently married for the second time and his new family (his new wife and her two daughters) have recently moved into his house and all of a sudden he has a house full of females, which should never be inflicted on any man. GJO hasn’t noticed yet but he will be crazy or bald or both in a year’s time. At the moment he’s happy, but once all that estrogenic kicks in, he’ll go slowly off his head with two teenage girls in the house.
That said, if you remember GJO was the one who recommended I learn the penny whistle. He teaches penny whistle, guitar and mandolin kids on a Saturday morning. He gave me a couple of beginner’s books and a few tips, to correct novice penny whistle player’s technical faux pas. The advice seems to have got me off and running as I can now kind of play a couple of simple tunes (twinkle twinkle little star and such like). Once GJO left, we had a lazy day in. Sundays are usually a lazy day but in my post op fragility, this was an even lazier Sunday than usual. MD still isn’t feeling great (wheezing, coughing and cold sweats) so lying about doing nothing seemed to suit us both. We have done virtually nothing other than watch TV while barely leaving the house these days, but it is only a temporary situation, MD will soon be back to full fitness in a day or two and I hopefully will follow sooner rather than later. Then the world is our oyster.
Monday 31st October
Halloween!! All the traditions of a Scottish Halloween have been superseded by Americanisation. Instead of turnip lanterns we now have pumpkin lanterns, no more guising we now have “Trick or Treat”, instead of fruit and nuts it’s sweets and candy. Scotland gave the USA the tradition of Halloween but US TV and Hollywood has exported to the world American traditions meaning our own century’s old cultures and traditions are being lost to an omnipresent foreign media propaganda pumped into our homes by TV. Even schools no longer have “School dances” it has to be a “Prom” FFS!!! It is bad enough in Scotland where our language and culture is being diluted by creeping Anglicisation from England but that in turn is being hijacked up by Americanisation. The world is just going to be a carbon copy mix of Hollywood and New York in a hundred years’ time, if the religious maniacs haven’t killed us all by then.
My wound is salmon pink and weeping a wee bit at one end so I called the Doc’s for advice, they advised me to come down to see the Doctor, just to make sure it wasn’t anything nasty like MRSA or the dreaded lurgy as my Grandpa used to call any random imaginary disease to scare my sister and me when we were children. Walked down the hill with MD in the usual West of Scotland down pour. MD went to work and I went to the Doc’s. My appointment was with Dr M, who gave my bawsack, boabby, scar and lonely baw the old rubber glove treatment and announced that all was OK. No antibiotics or dressings are required just keep an eye on it and come back and see him if there was any further soreness/stinging/pinkness/weeping/pus or possibly smell. A few weeks ago I would have been appalled at having to get my bits out and having the checked over by a Doctor, now I am so used to it I don’t even blink. Down with the breeks and the under crackers, short n curlies on show, not a care in the world. One of the nurses in the hospital told me it is like a woman having her first pregnancy, all very coy at first but by the end of the process they don’t give a toss who sees their fanjitas (as my daughter calls them) vaginas to you and me. Testicular cancer has the equivalent “get your bits out” process for men and I have obviously become quickly immune to the embarrassment. I wonder what other nasty disease I will need to catch to allow me to get over some of my other body hang ups. I think I’ll stay healthy and hold on to my hang ups if possible, please.
Tuesday 1st November 2011
Today is the start of Movember, which is now the month when men grow a moustache and get sponsored to raise money for Testicular and prostate cancer research in the UK. I was going to do it this year, even before I discovered I had TC. I had forgotten about it until this morning when I got an email from my work about Movember, as there are a few men down in the company’s English offices that are taking part and growing facial hair for the month. MD thinks I should grow one, so I haven’t shaved today but I will think about it and maybe sign up and see if I can get some sponsors. A is going to do it but WP doesn’t think he has any hair on his top lip. He has blond hair so it isn’t as obvious but we will see what develops.
MD and I went out mid-morning as I was getting cabin fever. Unusually for us it was a bright sunny day so we walked down the hill and caught the bus into the next town, which is bigger than the wee town we live in. We had a wee wander around the shops then went for a coffee. We dropped into see EM at work before going for lunch. We arrived back home mid-afternoon, giving MD time to get ready for work. I promptly fell asleep after she left as I had walked quite far and was puggled (tired out).
Sausage casserole for tea then UEFA Champions League on TV. Magic!!!
Wednesday 2nd November 2011
I am conscious of
days flying by, limited time but empty days. Being sick from work means days
which flew by because I was working are now days which fly by because I am sick.
I could learn stuff for work from the internet but I have come to the decision
recently that I hate my feckin job the company is OK but ! want to do something different but don’t
know what. Sick days are taken up with the penny whistle, going out for walks
(but Jesus! Do I get tired very quickly) and I watch the TV A LOT!!! I have
always loved TV; I am of the generation who can remember when there were only
three channels; BBC 1, BBC 2 and STV (Scottish Television). Now there are hundreds
of channels most of which are total guff, with reality programmes being the
guffiest of the guff, but there is also some total TV gold, wall to wall
football and films, so I could be in front of the goggle box all day if I
allowed myself. Having the big C has made me feel guilty about watching TV when
I really should be doing, ???? That is
the problem, what should I be doing? Is TV a waste of time, should I be
creating something, learning a new skill, saving mankind, or starting a new
religion? What should I be doing while I have 24/7 to do something I really
want to do? I watch TV when I am not walking or playing my penny whistle or
eating or showering or other day to day stuff. Should I feel guilty? Why do I
feel guilty? Who do I confess my guilt to? Can they forgive me and ease my
guilt? Time is the reason for the guilt!
Everyone knows their time on this wee planet is limited, but day to day we
don’t think about it. Having cancer suddenly wakes you up to that time span
with a sudden realisation you don’t have as much of it as you thought you had.
“I’ll live to may be 80 or 90”, “I am only half way through my life”, and “I’ve
got tonnes of time”. Then cancer and “aw shit! I’ll be dead by next year”.
Which probably isn’t the case but the 40 odd years that were in your mind,
stretching out before you are now may be less than 365 days, being suddenly
pessimistic! So that time (which could be a hell of a lot longer than 365 days)
becomes time you need to fill with quality deeds or activities and TV doesn’t
count as quality, if I read the social standards correctly these days. It’s
that “people who watch TV more than 10mins a day are shortening their lives by
20 years” but there are other “activities” which are static but watching TV is
the one the media always use. Reading a book sitting at a computer or writing
(this) are all stationery activities. Reading is socially acceptable, so is
writing but watching TV is nearly as socially unacceptable as drunk driving or
animal cruelty. Well, I like it and I am going to carry on watching TV because
it is my (shorter than I thought) life and think it is my time to spend how I
want and if that is watching footy or Big Bang Theory or Party Down or Hero’s
or Gilmore Girls then that’s fine for
me. I don’t think I am going to save the world and the last thing it needs is a
new religion as the ones we have cause enough grief, divide and war that another
one founded by me will just add fuel to an already out of control fire.
Thursday 3rd November
MD and I decided to go out for dinner/lunch (depending on
your age and or class). We got the train to Gourock and went to a nice wee
coffee bar kind of place. A pleasant
dinner/lunch was had by both, with a view out on to the river with heavy grey
skies making the rough water look cold and unwelcoming to say the least.
After dinner we had a wee donner along to see SJ and MD’s
brother JM, who also is being treated for the big C but his is more complicated
than mine. We stayed there all afternoon
SJ’s brother JJ arrived with his three kids and his girlfriend. They are lovely
wee kids and I suddenly realised I couldn’t go through that small kids
responsibility thing again. Thank goodness my children are all grown and I am
not responsible for any bumps or bashes which come their way, fair enough I am
still there to help them get better or aid their recovery but it isn’t my fault
that they fell, tripped or stumbled.
After getting off the train we had to pop into my mum’s as I
was desperate for a pee. The obligatory
cuppa was had along with a bit of victoria sponge. When I got home I was absolutely knackered, I
mean wiped out fall asleep on the couch for hours gubbed, then get up go to bed
and sleep all night whacked out kind of tired. The fact I had been out for seven
hours was good, this was the longest I had been out the house since my op, so
this was progress.
Friday 4th November 2011
After the previous day’s exertions, I was still feeling it,
so MD said I was to stay in and take it easy. I was fine with that. PG (my
boss) texted to ask if he could pop in to see me in the afternoon, MD and EM
went to Costco for toilet paper, kitchen roll, Irn Bru and such like.
I was on a Mike and Molly Series 1 marathon. WP and A don’t like it, I hadn’t really
watched it much, so decided to watch it on “On Demand” from episode 1. I got
through about 15 episodes and found it quite entertaining, certainly not the
worst sitcom I have ever seen; mind you it’s no “Arrested Development”, which
is my favourite sitcom at the moment.
MD, EM and PG arrive at the house all at the same time. The
house went from me sitting on my own to being full of people and chatter. PG
chatted about work, the boys in work, work Christmas Doo (Scottish for party
and strangely, pigeon too). PG left at
about quarter to five. I had had a wee craving for chips the previous evening
and therefore suppers from the chippy was the choice of evening meal.
Early to bed at around 10pm as the ability to keep my eyes
opened has suddenly failed me. I have changed my pillow to one of those
specialised pillows you get from Ikea (bought about 6 months ago but not used)
This has helped me sleep better and I am having less headaches.
Saturday 5th November 2011
MD didn’t have to go to work today but we had planned to go
out for a coffee and a wander about a shopping centre. This didn’t become a
reality. I was down in the dumps and couldn’t shake it off. Mostly due to being
annoyed at EM and the crap she takes from her arsehole boyfriend, who is a
control freak and is not the person for my daughter. She takes shit from this
tosser that she would never take from anyone else on this planet. I can’t tell
her how to live her life, I am aware of this as I would become the control
freak he is, but I want my daughter to have someone who is good to her, isn’t
an uncaring arrogant bastard and makes her happy. FUCK!!!! Don’t go there
FFS!!!
The cabin fever eventually kicked in, so MD and I walked
down to Tescos for milk but bought a few other things and had to get EM come
down to pick us up in her car as we wouldn’t have been able to carry all the
messages (shopping) up the hill. Two large glasses of rose wine were had with
my tea.
For a Saturday I had watched little or no football on TV.
The Mighty Ton seemed to have halted their decline of the previous weeks and
managed a 1-0 away win against Ayr Utd. Fell asleep in the living room soon after tea.
Went to bed after waking in the living room and slept all night. I am sleeping
a lot these days.
Sunday 6th November 2011
Fruit salad for breakfast, watched Arrested Development on
TV followed by flipping channels between Real Madrid V Osasuna
and Motherwell V Celtic. My mum and my 3 nephews arrived in the early pm
for a wee visit. It was nice to see them and we had a laugh and a joke, being
immature I still have a childish sense of humour like a teenage boy’s so I get
on well with the three boys much to my mother’s annoyance as she seems to think
I lead them astray.
SJ and W took MD and me out for a meal. We went to Tony
Roma’s. I had a half slab of St Louis ribs with smoky sauce, onion rings and
chips. Lovely! Everyone else had……I
don’t care!!!!! We had a nice night SJ and W are good company and laugh at my
crap jokes which is good for my presently deflated ego. A few drinks and
espresso later I am, surprise surprise, asleep by 11pm.
Monday 7th November 2011
Up at 8am breakfast of two bacon rolls and brown sauce with
the now obligatory coffee or two. I watched the usual US teen pish on TV; you
know the list by now, Greek, 90210, One Tree Hill, Gilmour Girls. To be fair I
don’t watch them all, Gilmour Girls is the only one I have to watch the rest
are just sugar frosting and I don’t care if I watch them or not. Bumped about
the house, started watching “Shit My Dad Says” on catch up TV. Eventually went
out for a walk with MD mid-afternoon. She went to work and I walked up the hill
and watched more Shit My Dad Says until EM came in. She is an avid Hollyoaks
watcher, I had watched all the episodes of SMDS on catch up, Hollyoaks is in
the middle of a serial killer story so I was happy to hand over the control to
EM. A made bangers n mash for tea, this
was scoffed down fairly quickly as it was rather scrumptious. I eventually sorted
out my Movember account as I am growing a ‘stach and goaty beardy thing. Posted
site on twitter and face book as did WP and MD. WP and MD donated ten quid
each.
I have been trying to master the Xbox 360; A has been giving
me games to try most of which I have been pish at big time. I had wee shot at
another couple, one of which involved leaping through time portals but I kept
getting stuck in the same room, which was driving me mad. I move on to a game
where you had to group coloured balls in to three or more. This was a bit more
successful but not much.
I am feeling stronger and less tired today, the feeling
still isn’t fully back in the area around my scar and it is uncomfortable when
wearing anything slightly tight, the re-growing hair is bloody itchy. That said I’m slowly getting back to normal,
as normal as anyone is. Limbo is a strange place, operation done, but no
further on with treatments or prognosis. Treading water until the CT scan and
Oncologist and whatever else is down the line. I want it to be soon so I know
but at the same time I don’t want to know just in case it isn’t good news. I
can’t remain here too long though, I need to be brave and kick on to whatever
is next.
Tuesday 8th November 2011
Breakfasted on white bread toast and coffee at 7:30am and
then ogled the usual TV fodder until MD woke up. We tootled around the house
before going for a walk. This was the longest walk I have been on. As I said
yesterday I am feeling a wee bit stronger and this was the first time I wasn’t
completely wiped out when I got home from and didn’t fall asleep immediately. Changed into the loose breeks (lovin the loose breeks), I now have £50
donated to my Movember site, which is good. After my earlier exertions I
flopped out on the couch surfed the net and watched some telly (for a change I
hear you cry), nothing of any consequence, just what was on Simpsons,
Hollyoaks, Futurama and A wanted to watch Terre Nova which passes me by and glazed over when that came on. I called my
buddy Smudger, whose wife has been seriously unwell. They are also in the
middle of moving house, so his life is total chaos, with boxes, movers,
lawyers, mortgages, packing tape and all the tripe involved in selling your
house and moving.
Joe Frazier died of liver cancer and all the sports channels
and websites were full of tributes to Smokin Joe. I was quite young when Joe
Frazier was at the height of his powers. I can remember the “Fight of the
Century” between Frazier and Ali. Frazier defeated Ali and there was the entire
“Uncle Tom” slur by Ali. Ali was the darling of the media; Smokin Joe was the
World Champ and underdog but shocked the world. Undisputed World Champion! Defeating probably the greatest heavy weight
the world has ever seen. Smokin Joe Frazier RIP.
Wednesday 9th November 2011
Strawberries, banana, grapes and fat free natural yoghurt
for breakie at 8pm; sat in bed watching TV for a while, the now obligatory
Gilmour Girls the rest is just drivel but I watch it for a wee while. When MD got up we got ready and went out for
a walk then decided to go for lunch and keep two of us out the house for a bit
longer than usual. We went for lunch (shared nachos, MD had fish n chips, I had
a BBQ burger n bacon) sat chatting about general stuff. I went for the train
and walked up the road, MD walked to work. When I got home; surprise dear
reader I fell asleep for an hour or two.
WP was at Uni then went to work, A was at work then went to
Kung Fu, MD was working and EM was due in from work. EM made tea for me and
her. My sister called to see how I was. After a larger than normal lunch and my
tea I was as foo as a puggy (I had eaten too much) and spent an uncomfortable
evening watching TV. I have put on a bit of weight since being off work.
Biscuits, cakes and lack of activity have resulted in a bit of timber in the
tummy area. I am really missing the running but getting stronger by the day, so
hopefully I will be able to start an easy jog on a treadmill in the gym in a
week or so depending on future treatments. If not, I could be a couple of stone
heavier by the time I get back to work, will need to watch my food intake and
stop the snack intake and have smaller portions for my three meals, but I miss
the running just for the therapeutic value more than anything. That reminds me
I will need to annoy one of the kids to put Narvana, The Pixies and REM on my
IPod shuffle for when I get back to running, I had forgotten how good they are/were
until recently. CT scan tomorrow the next step down the road is almost here;
let’s hope it doesn’t bring bad news.
Thursday 10th November 2011
Everyone was up early today. The shower was on constantly
from 7am as first A then WP, MD then me all used its warm water jets to wash.
WP and A were both off to work, MD, EM and me were all off to IRI for my CT
scan. EM decided a shower would wait until we got back so went out
unwashed. We got to the hospital at 8:50am for my 9:00am appointment. I have
been drinking a lot of orange juice and eating a lot of fruit these days. I am
unsure if it was the large amount of vitamin C or being nervous (which I wasn’t
aware of) but I had a sudden need to shite. There was a toilet next to the
waiting room so I had to go shite for Scotland and I think I could be world
champ if an official from the Guinness Book of Records had been there to check
the volume, I was scared by the amount. Then of course I had to go back to the
waiting room and everyone knew by the length time I was away what I had been
doing (that and the fact I now looked about 2 stone lighter).
The scan was a strange experience, passing through a big
metal doughnut on a metal bed. They inject dye into your vain which gives you a
warm sensation all over but especially in your bladder, making you think you’ve
pished (wet) yourself. The patient has to get changed into a surgical robe (you
know the one, where your hin-end hangs out) then walk through the waiting room
to get their CT scan thus allowing the bored waiting audience to see any body
parts exposed as the patient tries to keep the gaping surgical robe closed as
much as they can. Luckily you’re allowed to keep on your underwear and socks or
it could be a real eye opener. My excessively hairy body was exposed at various
points according to my daughter but a bit like the boabby count, I don’t give a
toss any more.
After the hospital the three of us went for a coffee (MD
doesn’t drink tea or coffee) MD had a diet Pepsi with a roll and bacon (just to
explain that anywhere else that would be a bacon roll but “roll and bacon” is
another Scottishism). EM and I had coffee (EM had caramel latte, I had Café au
Lait) and a fruit scone each. We went home for EM to get a shower then MD, EM
WP (who arrived back from University) and I all went to B'head so EM could
get a skirt for a hen night she’s going to at the weekend. KFC called first as
we were all peckish. EM and MD looked in the shops WP disappeared to do his own
thing. I followed EM and MD with no real enthusiasm, usually standing
outside or finding a seat near the shop they were in. I eventually met up with
WP and we both went for a coffee in Starbucks.
Home at 6pm, sandwich for tea and veggied out in front of
the TV until bed time. I had a headache for the first time for a while. That
old “John Hartson brain tumour” thought entered my mind again but the headache
soon disappeared.
Friday 11th
November 2011
Mice! I had noticed strange noises at night recently and
have come to the conclusion we have our yearly influx of mice. We live in a
very old building which is split into six separate flats and mice can get the
run of the place if they get a grip. I looked in the places I usually find
their wee “gifts”, finding evidence if recent activity, I put down traps
and have caught two already. I feel sorry for the wee blighters, they are kind of
cute and are field mice rather than house mice but if they are not kept under
control, they run amok, running riot at night, and what a racket they make.
Here’s hoping I can get a few more over the next few nights, maybe put a bit of
poison down, just to finish the job. My record is 13 one winter a few years ago
but the last few years it has been only five or six.
It was only MD and me in the house today all three kid s
were at work. MD is still not keen on the old "haughmagandy" (sex) but she
checked that the gun still fires bullets the other day (I forgot to mention
that in my diary blog thing for some reason) which was a great relief in more
than one sense of the word, even though the house was empty she wasn’t “up for
the cup” so to speak and I ended up surfing around on the internet while
watching TV until dinner (Lunch). MD and I had a half-hearted attempt at tidying
up the house before getting showered (separately) then walking down to the
health centre so I could pick up my prescription. We the caught the train into
G’ock to get my inhalers from the only
pharmacist who gives out the decent Allen & Hanbury inhalers instead of the
cheap crappy ones which stop working after a few puffs and are extremely dangerous,
so I avoid going to pharmacists who distribute them. EM finished work by this
time so we picked up some Chinese food and got home at 6:30pm. I watched the
rest of the Cyprus V Scotland game (6pm KO), a friendly as opposed to a qualifier
or anything of any consequence. Scotland won 2-1. Not much of a game but the
three goals were rather good and well taken.
My moustache and goatee beard are slowly taking shape, though
not overly impressive. The tash is brown but the beard is salt n pepper, so the
whole thing is a bit strange. Hopefully it will look better when it fills in as
the days go on.
Saturday 12th November 2011
This was supposed to be a day of getting out and about,
maybe a walk down at the Esplanade or something. What did we do? Sod all
(anyone who has read through this bilge up to here won’t be surprised by this).
We (MD and me) didn’t cross the door. We tidied up a bit. EM went to get her
hair done for her Hen Night, WP was working and A was in the house but went out
for a haircut and a pick up a few bits and bobs. Watched a few Westerns on TV, while kind of
helping MD tidy the house. I am not a big fan of “Cowboy and Indian” films but
I do like the “good guy versus bad guy” western films. You know the ones John
Wayne, Henry Fonda, Audie Murphy, Randolph Scott or Jimmy Stewart is usually
the good guy in the white hat riding in to save the woman/town/ranch from the
bad guys. I can watch them all day because it is that basic human story of good
against evil that happens all over the world in some form or other every day. I
don’t like the cowboy and Indian type of westerns just because I think the
Indians (Native Americans) get a really bad rap. No race of people would allow
anyone to arrive on their land and systematically kill them and their main
sources food before moving them off their native lands without fighting back.
To be honest I think what happened to the Native Americans could be called genocide.
If it had happened today the UN would be calling for sanctions and sending in
troops and enforce a no fly zone (in reality it would probably do sod all,
because they couldn’t all agree).
I have begun reading a book about Dutch football called
Brilliant Orange, which was given to me by WP. MD was watching X Factor which I
am not a fan of. So I read my book while that was on. A was watching something
in the living room, EM had left for her Hen Night dressed as a school girl and
WP had gone to a friend’s birthday party. After X Factor MD started watching
Arrested Development which, WP had given me the first ten episodes on a data
stick to watch on my Xbox 360. I was asleep (shocker!!) by around 10pm.
Sunday 13th November 2011
This turned out to be a bit of a wasted day, to be honest.
WP arrived home at 5:20am from the birthday party he was at. I woke up when I
heard him come in, not that he was noisy, just, I heard him somewhere in my
(couldn’t have been very deep) sleep. I eventually got up ay 5:50am, made toast
and a cup of coffee, watched TV until A got up to keep me company at 8:30am. My
mum phoned to say she would like to come up to see me/us. MD was going to go
down for biscuits and stuff but my mum had arrived by the time she had dried
her hair so she didn’t go. Gave my mum some dinner and chatted for most of the
afternoon. She left at 3:45pm. MD walked down with her and then went to Tescos
for some messages (shopping). A made spring rolls with duck and crispy pancakes
with duck. These were really nice and were quickly wolfed down. Early to bed
and read my book while MD watched X factor and moaned about the fact that the
Irish lassie got through even though she is absolutely gash, after that “I am a
celerity get me out of here” began so MD had to watch this too. I kind of
watched while still reading my book. The word celebrity is banded about a lot. It seems any old talentless tosser can be a celebrity. If your cat
has farted on TV, you’re a celebrity these days. There are very few of the people
on this show whom I knew or would call a celebrity. One bloke is in a “scripted
“reality show (now there’s an oxymoron) whom I didn’t know but is actually just
a nice honest genuine human being, but celebrity? I don’t know. Do I want him to win aye, why not? Do I care?
Not really, I probably won’t watch it again (hopefully). I will need to get out
for a walk tomorrow as I haven’t been out for days, I am not sleeping as well
as I usually do, I’ve put on weight, and I need some exercise.
Monday 14th November 2011 to Wednesday 23rd
November 2011
As I am now getting out and about a bit more these days, I
have lost the habit of writing this on a daily basis, only recently realising
how much time had passed since I had last written anything. Let me bring you up
to date as a few things have progressed over the last week and a half.
Unusually for the West of Scotland the weather has been
mostly dry and quite mild for the time of year. MD and I have been making the most of it and
going for daily walks of varying distances, some of them are quite lengthy and
impressive (the walks, you filthy minded people). It has been over three weeks
since my operation and I am becoming stronger on a daily basis. The need to sleep immediately I return home
from any exercise is no longer required, don’t get me wrong I still have a wee
nap now and then but the previous need to be unconscious for a couple of hours
the instant I entered the house seems to be a thing of the past. Sleeping at
night is a hit or a miss, but most nights, I tend to sleep right through until
6 or 7 am.
Medically there have been a few developments: on Tuesday (15
November) the bottom(about an inch or 2.5cm) of my scar still hadn’t healed properly
or should I say seemed to have healed but was now opening and scabbing over on
a daily basis and something hard(ish) is protruding from it (about 5mm). MD
said it would be best if we went to the health centre treatment room, where
they removed part of a stitch and a knot sticking out my wound. The nurse put
in a couple of paper stitches and it now appears to be healing nicely. I had an appointment to see Dr F on Friday 18th
November as my sick line was up. He gave me another one for 7 days due to
the appointment with an Oncologist the following Tuesday, so he wanted to find
the results of that before deciding whether I can go back to work or not. On the Tuesday I travelled up to the RAH to
meet Dr G, who explained my future treatment options of which there were three
in number:-
The first one was do nothing more than just monitor me for
the next ten years (which will also happen with the other two options), with an
85% likelihood being cured. Number two option is ten radium treatments over a
two week period. This would give a 98% cure rate and the final option is a one
off Chemo treatment which would also give a 98% cure rate. I have decided
(rightly or wrongly only time will tell) to go for the chemo. This will happen
on the 6th December (looking forward to it already. Not!!!). I seem
to be coming to the end of this (in the short term), all my blood tests CT
scans and things are clear of any cancer indicators. Things are positive in
nature; my outlook, frame of mind and fitness, all are on the up and up.
The Gilmore Girls is till obligatory watching in the
morning. I only noticed the other day I had been giving the Scottish (not sure
if that’s true but anyone I know called Gilmour, has it spelt this way)
spelling, so I thought I better change it here, from here now on to the actual
spelling of the programme. Now that I am
a bit more active, I am not watching quite as much TV as I was. Once the
Gilmore Girls is finished, I tend to annoy MD until we go out for a walk and/or
dinner (lunch) or just a coffee and a bun (muffin).
Thursday 24th November 2011
This is a red letter day for me. I am actually kind of
excited. I had asked my boss if I could go back into work for a few hours for a
couple of days now and then, just to try to kick start my brain again. I woke up really early (5:30am), eventually
getting up at 6am to make breakfast of cinnamon bagels and a coffee ( I haven’t
mentioned breakfast for a while and to be honest I had settled into a white
bread toasted and coffee kind of rut breakfast wise, so todays breakfast was a
change). EM isn’t at work today, so the usual wait for a shower, wasn’t as
long, as the two boys are quicker in and out the shower (separately) than the
30min shower taken by EM. I waited until 8pm before shaving and showering. My
tash and goatee are looking good, although still a confusion of colours: -
grey, ginger, brown, white, blond and black. The jury is out whether it is a
good look for me, the female relatives don’t like it but my male relatives,
friends and colleagues all have given it/them the thumbs up. Will I keep it
after the 30th of November? I don’t know yet. I caught myself in the
mirror the other day there, while wearing my duffle coat and red and black
striped scarf (and all the usual clothes you would normally wear, just in case
you were thinking that was all I had on) and I look rather dashing with a hint
of the aristo about me but at other times I just look strange in the face
fungus. The first of December will be decision day.
I drove (having moved the car on Saturday for the first time
in eight weeks, then drove it again to the hospital on Tuesday) to the office
arriving at 9:30am. I was welcomed with pictures of me on the walls and windows,
“Welcome back Peter” banners, balloons and BUNS!!!!!! I drank a lot of tea, the
boss got me to do some menial tasks he probably could have done himself in a
small fraction of the time it took me, but it was good to get back in some kind
of work type stuff. I had lunch pottered around sending various email, before
leaving at 3pm. You’ll never guess what happened when I got home? Yup! Fell asleep for three hours. My goodness
that work lark is tough going. I don’t know how people do it.
Friday 25th November 2011
We went to the doctors at 11:10am to consult him about the
Oncologist appointment the other day, and renew my sick line for another 28
days. Dr F agreed with my decision to take the one off chemo treatment. He said
that would be his route if he was in the same situation, which eased my mind a
considerably.
We took the sick line up to my work then went for lunch at
TGI Fridays in Braehead. Well, when I say lunch it was nearly 2:30pm when we got
there. Sharing chicken nachos and cheesy bacon burgers and chips (fries to our
American readers). Diet coke for MD, bottle of Peroni for me and a double
espresso to finish. TGI Friday used to
really piss me off due to the excessive over attentiveness of the staff, “is
everything OK” or “How is your food” being asked every two mouthfuls their fake
happiness and the feckin stupid badges on the feckin stupid braces and hats,
not to mention the music so loud that you have shout at each other to have any
kind of conversation. Luckily or should I say, thankfully, someone at TGI has
had a word and there’s been a change of policy. The constant requirement to
check the OKness of your food and the excessive annoying neediness of the staff
is a thing of the past, along with the silly hats and horrendous requirement
for adults to wear lots of badges on the hats and braces. On some occasions the
music can still require shouting to communicate but this is rare these days.
TGI is a better place for these changes and the food isn’t too bad if you want
a better than fast food standard meal along with some alcohol (if you choose to
have some) in easy (now) surroundings. Thanks TGI for dropping your annoying
American excesses and toning things down to an acceptable British indifference.
I didn’t have a sore back when I got up this morning but as
the day has gone on it is hurting more and more. I don’t know what I’ve done to
it but the top right quarter of my back is aching, making the slightest
movement agony. Let’s hope it is just a temporary muscular thing which will
ease by tomorrow. I can’t think of
anything I could have done to strain my back. I have done sod all for two
months, barely lifting a hand, the most strenuous thing I have had to do is scratch
arse cheeks occasionally; life hasn’t been all action of late. Maybe I over
stretched when scratching my aforementioned right arse cheek and pulled a
muscle in my back, resulting in my temporary discomfort the noo! Let’s hope for
a positive outcome then and I will be able to scratch my arse tomorrow and for
many years to come.
Saturday 26th and Sunday 27th November
2011
Both of these days were filled with tedium and little or no
activity. About the only thing I did on the Saturday was taking MD to work and
pick her up when she finished. The rest of the day was taken up watching TV and
football but little or nothing else of note.
In fact my usual diet of football has been much reduced these last few
weeks as I have lost interest in it a bit. I haven’t been to a Morton game since
my diagnosis and haven’t missed it. The kid’s footy team takes up a couple of
evenings a week and most of my Sunday’s, yet again I haven’t missed it. I have
watched a few games on TV but nowhere near as many as I would normally watch.
Priorities change when you have the big C and football has become a sport I can
watch if I want but is no longer something I cannot miss. Spending time with my
wife is now something I cannot miss. This weekend brought this into very sharp
focus. Wales FA international football manager Gary Speed was on Football Focus
on the BBC at lunchtime Saturday, seemingly happy and full of plans for the
future. He was dead (probable suicide) by Sunday morning. What the fuck? Forty
two years old, a young man talented, seemingly happy, with huge potential and
well loved by all on sundry. Depression
is the word on everyone’s lips. Having seen this (depression) close up, I have
seen its destructive nature and the lack of understanding in the head of its
victim. I stood by and watched my wife
spiral down in a depression induced vortex. I knew what was happening, I tried
to help but you can only stay and wait until the person hits the bottom to help
them take that first step to rehabilitation and medical help. Men (I think)
tend to hide all the signs, and when they hit rock bottom have no one around to
help take them to a place of safety because no one knew. That final act of taking their own life is
taken without anyone aware of the monster eating them from within. The shock to
friends and family is enormous as they had no knowledge of the affliction their
spouse, parent, relative or friend was suffering from and the guilt they feel
about missing any signs is something they will carry for the rest of their
lives like a mental tattoo, a heavy badge of immense sadness.
Monday 28th November 2011
It is still raining, it has been raining for days and not
just normal everyday rain but it’s aided by a strong westerly wind, which
drives it in from the Atlantic on dark grey heavy skudding never ending clouds.
The West of Scotland is a dark enough place at the end of November but the dark
heavy clouds and endless rain makes it seem like the sun hasn’t bothered to try
to get out of bed. Which is what I felt like today? I stayed there until way
after mid-day. “What a lazy bastard!” I hear you cry. I admit it, I am a lazy
bastard but I couldn’t go out because it is bouncing, MD was still napping because
she works until 10pm and tends not to go to bed until 1am or 2am then lie in
bed until 10am or 11am, so I bob around the house on my own until she gets up
(if I was at work I wouldn’t be in the house obviously). Mid-afternoon MD and I
went to Costco for toilet roll, kitchen roll, coffee and other monthly
necessities. We then went to Makro for snow shovels (2 for 1 @ £9.99). I
dropped MD off at work and went home. Faffed
about the house again!!! Tried watching footy but lost interest, Flicked
through TV channels but didn’t really watch anything. Surfed the internet but
didn’t really look at or read anything, just trundled around trying to avoid
the porn sites just because it is my work laptop I am using. Work laptops are
crap because you can’t look at anything dodgy or risky on the internet in case
the bloody thing breaks and you have to send it to the work IT boffin to get it
fixed and he/she/they find out what a perv you really are, So safe sites only,
no porn, no titillation, no boobs, no lingerie, sex advice and no porn (I know
I said porn twice). I need to get my own laptop; I am missing out on the main reason
the internet was invented or so it would appear to me
Tuesday 29th November
Absolutely bounced down again last night and it has
continued today. If you think yesterday was a washout then today was even
worse. There was really bad flooding locally. Both MD and A were contacted by
their employers and told not to go to work as the area around both companies
(they are right next to each other) was badly flooded and there was no access
to the buildings. The trains and buses were off so WP couldn’t get to University.
EM did get to work but the usual 10 minute journey took over 3 hours. The house was unusually full. I kind of hid
in my room doing the same shit as yesterday trawling through TV and internet.
The rain abated for a short time late in the afternoon, so MD and I wandered
down to Tescos for bread and Juice while it was dry. As we got to the door on
our return it began to rain again, talk about good timing! It rained all night
again. Our drive now has big holes cause by the rain from the previous night so
I dread to think what condition it will be in tomorrow.
I watched Napoli V
Juve (3-3) on the internet with WP. We both wanted Napoli to win just because
we like their attacking style of football. Unfortunately their main striker
Edison Cavani was injured, they were 3-1 up early in the second half but Juve
managed to fight back to 3-3 and probably could have won it but a draw was the
correct result.
I think I might have to start building an Ark as it still
raining. Two of each animal, right? That will be a serious poop and pee problem
while you’re drifting about, never mind the eating each other and the mating
issues. How many new rabbits, mice and rats will be on board after a few weeks?
The place would be over run, unless they become the food source for the
carnivores. Noah must have had some
system worked out because he and his family would have been shovelling crap and
keeping the carnivores away from each other and all of the other animals 24/7.
Arks are a recipe for anarchy, tonnes of faecal matter and gallons of urine. I
think I’ll just try to save my family and me.
That probably will have the same problems as the Ark, knowing my
family. Well, the fighting, poo and
piss anyway.
Wednesday 30th November 2011
St Andrew’s Day and still raining (Those webbed feet we have
evolved in this part of the world will become very useful if this keeps up).
Well, in the morning anyway, by the afternoon it had changed to just showers
(woo hoo!!). I just hung about with MD in the morning, watching the usual stuff
on TV. I have even begun to lose interest in the Gilmore Girls. It has got to
the stage where Luke has discovered he has a 12 year old daughter (April) he
didn’t know about. She is a strange annoying carbon copy of Rory i.e. she is a
chatty, genius. This is a bit of a lost
opportunity story wise in my view. It is also fairly obvious that the
Lorelai/Luke relationship is bound to fail, only to be regretted by both and in
true Gilmore Girls style, will be talked around for about twenty five episodes
before possibly being resolved (I think/hope). I have found I have lost
interest in the characters and don’t really care anymore. Other than ogling
Lauren Graham (what is it about Actresses called Graham, Heather, Lauren and Julie
are all pretty hot, probably in the order I have listed them here) a bit I have
lost the "must watch" factor and only watch it if it is on and I don’t have
something else to do or somewhere else to go. In the afternoon MD and I went to
pick up a prescription for MD’s sister and EM from the Doctors they go to which
is different from mine. Then MD and I went for coffee (coffee for me diet pepsi
for MD) and chocolate twists in Costa before I dropped MD off at work and I
came home. There was football on TV but I thought I better get things organised
for the next day at hospital. So I got a few tunes on my IPod and got books and
stuff organised in my backpack. This is also the last day of Movember. My tash
n goatee filled in quite nicely. My Movember site raised £82 which I am rather
proud of. EM and I went to the Gym. This was the first exercise I had done
other than walking for some time (more or less since being diagnosed with
testicular cancer). If I said I was extremely
cautious I don’t think I would be exaggerating. I walked and did some very slow
jogging on the treadmill followed by some extremely slow light rowing on the
rowing machine and that was it. I don’t think I even puffed my cheeks or
sweated at all, but it is a start. The start of my long road back to fitness,
hopefully!!
Thursday 1st December
With St Andrews Day over the way is clear for the steady decent
to Christmas. Before that can happen, I have a day in hospital today and some
chemo to get next week. Today started at 6:30am the tash n goatee got shaved
off, followed by a shower, then breakfast (toast and coffee), then setting off
at 8:50am. I stopped at Tescos for some flavoured water, an apple, a banana,
and a footy magazine, to see me through my day in hospital. There was a wee
complication with the hospital. I can drive myself there, but there is a four
hour parking restriction and I will be there for 6. What to do? Luckily HW and AW live fairly close to the
hospital. HW is my mother’s cousin and my Godmother (although as we are both
atheists, so that position is moot) AW is her husband. They are really nice people
who would never knowingly do anyone a bad turn. I dropped my car off at their
house at 8:30am and they took my round to the Hospital. I was fitted with an
alarmingly large needle thing in my left arm and injected with radioactive
isotopes in my right arm then sent up to a ward for the rest of the day, where
a tiny wee female doctor took blood samples every half hour for five hours.
Then HW and AW came back and took me to their house for a coffee before I drove
home. MD had gone to Glasgow so I was on my own for a while until the family
arrives home one at a time until the house was full by 8pm.
Friday 2nd December2011
The phone rings regularly throughout the day, with cold
callers constantly annoying us with offers of all kind. Most companies are so
lazy nowadays that the use a recorded message rather than employ someone. Mind
you, it is so much easier to put the phone down on a recorded message. I have
trouble just hanging up on someone cold calling. MD on the other hand has no problem either way
human or machine. Needless to say when the phone rang at 10am we assumed it was
a cold caller wanting to go into bat against the banks if I had been miss sold
PPI, or sell me double glazing or sell me a new kitchen etc etc….but on this
occasion it was Jessica the tiny wee doctor who had extracted a couple of
gallons of blood from my left arm the previous day to tell me there was a
problem with my sample which would have to be redone. There were then a further
3 calls to arrange for me to return to hospital on the 8th December
to redo the test and cancel my chemo visit on the 6th December as
without the results of this test the strength of the chemo cannot be worked out
correctly. She assured me that this was a regular occurrence and wasn’t a
health complication on my part (which I hope is true). This unfortunately sets
my recovery and return to work back another week, which is a bit of a pisser as
I am becoming anxious my employer will stick me on statutory sick pay, which
they have been kind enough not to do up until now, but there is only so long I
can rely on them doing me that kindness.
MD and I went out for dinner (lunch if your middle class)
steak pie for MD and haddock and chips for me, diet coke for MD, pint of Stella
for me. MD then went to meet EM as they were going to get a spray tan. I went
to WP’s work and put a few £1 bets on the dogs ending up fairly even winning £5
and losing £5 but hey ho!! EM and MD picked me up after their spray tans and
took me home. I picked WP up from work at 10pm.
Saturday 3rd December 2011 to Saturday 10th
December 2011
I can’t believe it has been a week since I last wrote this
diary blog thingy. The winter weather
has arrived in various forms.
Last Sunday saw the first real snow fall of the winter: MD and I went
down to Tescos for a few wee bits n bobs; we were inside for twenty minutes, to be greeted by a blanket of white on our exit. Luckily there was just the odd snow shower
after that.
I went to work a couple of times this week Monday and
Wednesday. Not that I really work, just
do wee jobs my gaffer finds for me to do that he probably didn’t need done or
could do himself ten times quicker (I think i have mentioned this before). It
gets me out into the real world again and I have to talk to people other than
my family or medical professionals. I have noticed that I have become socially
stunted. Any time I meet someone who knows me they want to ask how I am and how
my treatment is doing; this has resulted in me becoming a boring bastard. I
hear myself talking about what’s going on with my treatment etc. and I think
“FFS!!! Not the same old shite again. Change the subject, crack a joke, and
move on to something else!!!” The person
I am talking to may or may not be genuinely interested but to me it is the
umpteenth time I have told this story or some part of it, but in actual fact, I
have feck all else to talk about, which scares the shite out of me! This blog
is a prime indicator of what I mean, it started out quite light hearted but has
turned into something resembling a shopping list of boredom. So I will try to
rectify this, you will be glad to hear dear reader.
Tuesday brought ice. The snow showers continued Monday and
Monday night which subsequently began to melt then the sky cleared and the
temperature dropped resulting in the roads turning into sheets of ice. I live at the top of a rather steep hill and
wasn’t going to risk going out in the car but I decided to go out in my new
winter coat (I look like Nanook of the North in it but it is feckin warm) to
investigate the road. I slithered doon
the drive looking for wee areas not iced over, slipping occasionally and hoping
no one was watching in case I landed on my erse, which seemed highly likely. The
length of my drive is maybe 30 yards long if it is as long as that but it was a
good ten minutes of skidding about, teetering on tiptoe from island of tarmac
to island of tarmac. I looked like a cat trying to cross a burn (stream)
without getting wet, but nowhere near as agile. Luckily the drive was the worst
part as the gritter or an active well-meaning neighbour had spread salt and
grit on the road, meaning I could with only a little caution proceed down the
hill. The ice wasn’t the worst weather
of the week though. On Thursday I had to go and redo the EDTA blood test I had
done the previous week. On that day Scotland was hit by a hurricane. Hurricane
Bawbag as it became known on the internet.
Schools closed, buses, trains and ferries off, trees down, bridges shut,
no power in certain areas. The Police were advising people not to travel, so
what did I do……. drive to north west of Glasgow to spend the worst of the
weather looking out the hospital day room watching the world blow past the
window. Bags, coats, hats, umbrellas,
branches,munchkins, cows, cars, and a bus (only kidding about the last four), but I
wouldn’t have been surprised if they had flown past. I drove back home dodging the same kind of
debris all the way, to find the house had lost a number of(undetermined as yet)
slates from the roof, but no other significant damage.
Friday brought a wee adventure for me. I travelled down with
the three engineers I work with, GC, RJ and GG, to Manchester where the
company we work for has their HQ. I felt a bit of a cheeky bastard as I hadn’t
been at work (officially) for over two months and thought my chemo would take
place a couple of days previously, but if you have been reading this
self-indulgent nonsense you will know
there was a problem with my first EDTA and this was postponed. The girls (cheers JC and RB) in the service control dept. made it known they would like me to attend,
so did the three lads from Scotland. I asked the question if this would be
possible and I was told by the organiser it was OK. MD thought it would be too
much for me but I assured her I would rest up if required. We caught the train from Glasgow Central and
arrived at the apartment we were staying in at 4:30pm. I went to bed
immediately and slept for two hours. The other three went out for a few drinks.
They are good lads and all funny in different ways, we get along
well and enjoy each other’s company (I think , but they probably hate me and
really wished I hadn’t gone. Hee hee!!).
I am the oldest, GC is nine years younger than me, RJ is nine years
younger than GC and GG is the baby at only 22 years old. I was quieter than usual because I
wasn’t up to speed with all the usual banter and jokes being out the loop for
so long, but they kept me involved and the jokes about having one ball and
being a cancer patient soon began flowing which made me laugh a lot. The party was held in a city centre hotel that had been taken over for the
evening. Free bar, show girls, magicians, roulette and black jack tables were
there to give a Las Vegas feel to the night.
I thought the magicians were very good and couldn’t work out how they
did the tricks, even though I watched their hands very carefully. They moved
from table to table amazing their audience of four or five people then moving on. Everyone I knew and some I didn’t, greeted
me warmly and asked how I was doing. I don’t mind being kissed by women but as
the alcohol kicked in I found myself being slobbered over by some of the
blokes. I mean big slobbery, saliva running down my cheek smackers, sometimes
three or four times. Men
almost in tears,shaking my hand, pating my back, kissing me and telling me how upset they were when they heard of my
illness. It was quite touching (no
inappropriate touching mind you) but feckin funny.
The stubble rash is a pain though, now I know why women prefer clean
shaven men. I do too now!!!!!! I didn’t
drink much only a few beers and didn’t do any dancing (I am usually first on
and last off the dance floor. Dancing like a one legged donkey but, effort
over talent!!!), but it was good fun and nice to see my colleagues, some a lot more than others. We left Manchester on the 11:45 train on
Saturday morning, changing at Preston. GC then
got the train to Edinburgh so it was only three who travelled on to Glasgow. We
chatted over the previous night’s events and pulled each others legs (WTF does that statement mean FFS!!) especially GG’s about his efforts
to seduce what turned out to be a lesbian. He chased her all night, we think she played
the lesbian card was just to shake him off but he is a tenacious wee buggar. I
won’t tell you the conclusion of this wee heart tugger just in case GG’s or the
young lady’s identity is blown.
I was fading rapidly when I boarded the final leg of my
journey and left my scarf on the train when I alighted, slowly walked up
the hill and staggered into the house at 4:00pm. The pictures I took (which weren’t numerous
as I had forgotten I had taken my camera with me until very late on in the
night) were forwarded on to the three boys. Then I slept for nearly 20 hours. I was well and truly cream crackered!!!Sunday 11th December 2011
The exertions of Friday and Saturday were still being bought
back by sleep until early afternoon. MD had an appointment with a Lawyer in
Glasgow mid-afternoon. We travelled up
for that then supposedly went Christmas shopping but we just wandered around
some shops, admitted to each other we weren’t really interested in any shape or
form, went for a coffee, then drove
home. Steak pie for tea, then WP and I
watched footy on TV and MD watched X Factor final on telly in the room. Not much happens on a Sunday, in fact as
Sundays go this was quite an eventful one.
You can guess how bad they usually are then from this enthralling read.
Monday 12th December 2011
Up bright and early and went in to work (even though I am
still on the Pat n Mick). PG gave me a
wee job to do for a major customer to do with IP addresses and spread sheets.
Not my forte, stats and checking stuff but I had a go and gave it my best. I didn’t see the rest of the boys as they
were all out doing calls. All is not well between them and our manager PG. I
think they are under a bit of pressure work wise due to my prolonged absence
and a few courses at Canon resulting in trips away from home just as the build-up
to Christmas takes place. There has been a wee bit of a rebellion and PG is
feeling a bit let down. The boys are feeling a bit set upon. I think the Festive holidays can’t come quick
enough for both sides. I am kind of stuck in the middle as I can see the merits
of both sides.
Tuesday 13th 2011 to Wednesday 22nd
December 2011
On the Tuesday morning I got another call from the Beatson
telling me I would be getting my Chemo at 2:00pm after attending my appointment
with my Oncologist Dr G at 10:45am. I haven’t been looking forward to getting Chemo
due to all the scare stories you hear sitting in the company of cancer patients
in hospital day rooms. You can also see the effects on their bodies: loss of weight, sickness, nausea, hair loss
(although that shouldn’t be a problem for me because I am going bald anyway and
I am only getting one treatment. It is usually three treatments or more before
the hair loss begins), loss of appetite and taste to name but a few. Happy Days!!
I went back to work on the Wednesday and Thursday. I was
surprised to see the boys all in the office on my arrival on Wednesday. Luckily
for me I had bought some buns and cakes and took them in. We had a bit of the
usual banter and chatted about work and the fact they were all still a bit
pissed off by PG (the feelings were reciprocated by PG towards them I may add).
After dinner (lunch) I went with GG to a machine at a customer fairly close to
the office to a problem he wasn’t sure about. It was good to get back to
something like normal even if it was only for an hour or so.
MD and I went Christmas shopping on the Friday, not that we
have much more to get. Just wee stocking fillers for the kids (kids they are
all adults but you know what I mean) and MD picked a skirt and top from me for
Christmas. I was going to get her boots but she wanted the skirt and a Faroes
Island jumper. We had a meal in a pub in the city centre and wandered around
getting fairly tired before heading home on the train.
The weekend flew by fairly quickly with nothing of any consequence
really happening. The Morton game away to Hamilton was postponed due to a
frozen pitch. I didn’t watch any footy on the TV at all. In fact I only left
the house to go to the shops with MD for messages (shopping) once on the
Sunday.
I returned to work on the Monday to finally finish the
project given to me the previous Tuesday. Not bad a week to check a few numbers
on a list. I thought I had better get it
done before I went for my Chemo the next day.
Tuesday was the day I had been dreading. MD, EM and I went
up to the Beatson, which was absolutely hoachin (busy), you would think they
were giving away free treatment for cancer or something. I sent MD and EM reluctantly
off to the shops while I waited for my appointment with DR G. She talked me
through the afternoon’s itinerary and made sure I was keeping OK. I had to go
for another blood test before being sent to get something for my dinner (lasagnes’,
salad and a large coffee). The place in
the hospital where you get the chemo wasn’t exactly what I had pictured in my head. There were 4 areas at least, maybe more, the last
of which I was directed to. This opened into an open plan room with 4 blue seat/loungers
down each side with the feet end pointing into the centre of the room. I sat on
the third seat on the left hand side. The nurse explained what was going to
happen, the side effects (again) and explained what to do if I got and
infection or became really unwell when I got home; keep visitors to a minimum,
try to avoid public transport, places and events, keep away from anyone with coughs,
colds or obviously ill, which I took to mean stay in the house, don’t let
anyone in and rest a lot. Next came the big needle thingy in the back of left hand and off we went; bag of steroids,
anti-sickness pill, saline flush, chemo in, saline flush and done. Phoned MD and EM who were on their way back
to get me, I went for another coffee until they arrived. On the way home I got a bit queasy and shaky,
this continued all night. I was given anti-sickness pills and steroids to take
for four days. I was warned not to take the steroids until the next day because
of the huge bag of the stuff given to me earlier. The ant-sickness pills were
to be taken before 6pm or I wouldn’t be able to sleep. I forgot about that
little detail and took the anti-sickness pills at 9pm and didn’t sleep a wink
all night and all the next day in fact I didn’t sleep until 11pm on the
Wednesday night.
On the Wednesday I was still shaky and queasy but
otherwise OK. I stayed in bed more or less all day hoping the sleep I didn’t
get would arrive but didn’t until later as already stated. Internet and TV was
the order of the day. MD is coming down with the cold and is avoiding me as
much as possible, just in-case I catch it. Unfortunately EM and A seem to be
following her down the common cold road. I am surrounded by them. To make matters worse my mother, who also has
a cold, phoned to say she was coming up to see me, I told her not to as it is a
fair old walk up the hill to my house which even though she is a fairly fit 71
year old is a wee bit too much to ask, that and the fact it was blowing a gale
and drizzling. She eventually agreed it probably wasn’t the best thing to do
for either of us and stayed where she was in her own house.
Thursday morning was nearly finished when I woke up after
eleven and a half hours sleep. I felt initially fine and dandy no queasiness or
shaking but this began to kick in again as the day progressed, I also noticed
the sheet white colour I had been the previous day had been replaced by a
lobster pink, although I wasn’t feeling hot or anything I should worry about, I
don’t think/hope. I got up and made EM
and I toast and coffee before she went off to work. MD had decided to sleep in
the living room to keep her cold away from me. I went back to bed to watch TV
and footered about on the internet
again. I made the mistake of calling my broadband/TV/phone provider about my
phone bills, which caused me to be unable to check emails. I had to call them
back to get them to correct this fault with the help of the most snappy
technical help person I have ever dealt with. She didn’t actually say the words
but every sentence could have ended with “you’re a fuckin idiot” and I wouldn’t
have been shocked. I eventually got it fixed but can no longer get email
through Outlook Express but I am sure I’ll eventually get that fixed.
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